Just a life log

[RantingMadMan]

This thread is just about my general life etc. I will try to make it less boring than most of the personal bloggers out there who are under the deluded impression that their life's are worth writing about.
YES this thread will be filled of negativety!!! I actually went to the doctor (who was 35 minutes late!) about my depression and just general grumpyness and he said that it was completely normal for someone of my type of disability to have depression and be grumpy. HA now I have an excuse to be bitchy! He recommended anti depressants but I am fucked if I am doing that! I hate drug companies, they overprice everything and take advantage of sick people, It's bad enough that I have to take a pill daily for my epileptic fits which by the way I only take half the recommended dosage and have not have a fit in years. Anyway back to the depression issue, I have felt much better this week, I just felt bored and lonely I think. I am trying to get out of the house much more and make new friends, that is not going too well at the moment but oh well, early days. I do think that there is hope without drugs, I have been trying to play a daily game of chess too to keep my mind active, I was good at it in high school but I now absolutely suck and the I keep getting beaten at the average level, hopefully I can get better in time.
I have been out two Satudays in a row which is some kind of record for me! Last week it was to a comedy night but I had to leave early because I did not know what time it finished and the taxi came just over half way through. Apparently the acts got better after I left which is bloody typical! Then last night I was out with a good friend celebrating her birthday, she got high... on lemonaid! We ended up at a 70's/80's dance bar, that was fun! I love dancing!

[RantingMadMan]

done nothing half way exciting this week so far. The only thing that was different was some people came to discuss modifications to my wheelchair.

I am on the dating site again, it is still full of sados, weirdos and creepy old men, I did not expect anything different. Still, A FEW guys are alright to chat to. I highly doubt that I will find my Mr Right on there but it is a good way to kill time and I have far too much for it too kill! Yes I'm gay. The only gay club is upstairs without a lift which is a bastard because it means I can not go independently so I am making arrangements to go once per month with a helper which is hardly ideal but oh well. I went about two weeks ago, it was.... er interesting! Firstly I was pissed off because nobody hit on me, I have come to the conclusion that the dating sites must be full of such ugly freaks that I am considered hot by their standards. Secondly the people there were just dressed completely awfully and this is coming from ME, my mum picks out my clothes because I really don't give a shit what I wear. clothes shopping is a complete waste of time in my opinion. I don't care about fashion but the people there just looked strange but then again it was a beachware party so they might not be so awfully dressed next time! Speaking of things that are awful, the music there was AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL!!! Though maybe I spend far too much time listening to Linkin Park and head banging. Also I am completely mystified on what the appeal of drag acts are. If I wanted to look at women, I would be straight, that's just simple logic! I am not against drag queens or cross dressing, if people are into it, good for them, I don't care how people lead their lives, as long as they are happy and doing what they want. So "the scene" has it's quirks but it is still a good place to meet guys and I don't mind the quirks at all. I am also joining a gay social group.

i don't have a van at this time, it is getting a new hoist fitted which is good but it was supposed to be ready on Thursday which is today. Hey guess what, it is not ready! I don't know why I am surprised! The exact thing happened to my eye control system a few weeks ago, it was a week late!
Bye for now, more bitter rantings later.

[RantingMadMan]

It's time for my weekly entry. I went out a total of two times this week, both to gay establishments. I had to go all the way into town just to the gay social group to interview me which took about fifteen minutes, more time was spent traveling there and back. It's like uber PC because you're not allowed to hit on anyone in the group. Where is the fun in that LOL! It's a support group too so their rules are made for a reason. Also I know what you're thinking, ME in a support group hmmmm this can't possibly end well! I am completely self obsessed and totally insensitive to everyone, I just tell everyone what I think in the bluntest and rudest way possible all while completely ridicling them. Perhaps the TAB should start taking bets on how long until I get banned. Most of the members are younger than me because it is for youths and I am 23, I am getting old! Then I made my monthly visit to the gay club, I enjoyed myself. I complained about the dress sense last time but everyone looked OK this time. I even quite enjoyed the drag shows, I would still preferred male strippers instead though HAHAHA! The music was OK too, some good tracks, some bad ones. My helper was outraged when I started dancing to the Spice Girls HAHAHA! Oh and I must get a copy of Boys Boys Boys by Lady GaGa, I love that song! Now time for a rant to even things out, in short people are idiots, for those who don't know me I can't talk and have to point to letters on my tray to communicate with people but some of the dumbasses was using it to spell things out to me as if I was deaf! I have to keep telling people that I can hear, It is quite funny really. When I went to my brother's wedding reception a woman did that even after my helper said that I could hear but she kept spelling stuff to me and she did it at such a fast rate that I could not understand what the hell she was talking about, don't you just LOVE irony?

[RantingMadMan]

Hey do you know how you know that your work is good? When someone copies it and claims it as their own! I just saw most of my second entry in this thread on someone's bebo blog, not sure if I should be pissed or flattered...
Nothing new with me, apart from my first date in over seven years on Friday! He seems my type, we have a similar sense of humor and he is quite good looking which is not important but a hell of a nice bonus LOL! No my motto is that looks will fade away eventually and then what? Trade for a younger model? Hey that idea is rather appealing!
I just saw another fly in my room, they have been pissing me off for days, the automatic fly spray mustn't be working. JUST DIE ALREADY!!! *waits for animal rights protesters to picket at his house*

[RantingMadMan]

Well last night I can say that I was truly drunk for the first time in my life, I can tick that off my "to do" list. I had seven vodkas I think, was totally wasted at the end, I could not care about anything, great feeling, probably won't be doing that for another three months. Yes I did vomit until literary literally there was nothing left to vomit. My nephew fed me drinks at first then my brother took over when my nephew went home. I learned two things, I can spell better completely trolleyed than some people sober and I can still drive my wheelchair at full speed without crashing into people or other objects haha obviously I wasn't nearly drunk enough but NO I was. Danced with some women too, they were at least a decade or two older but I was pissed, I did not really care!
Next week I have to go to the doctor to tell him how I am feeling, then he will try talking me into going on anti depressants no doubt which he probably gets a commission haha. I am feeling much better than before I started this thread, still grumpy but I truly like being grumpy, being a complete cynical bastard and saying things just to annoy the crap out of people, it gives me a sense of purpose. Yeah that's fucked up but I enjoy being fucked up!!!
Then I will finally get my portable computer attached to my wheelchair which will make communicating with people much easier hopefully so I will be more independent when I am out and about. So I am really looking forward to that!

[RantingMadMan]

Time for my weekly bitch.
I went to the doctor Thursday, he was only 25 minutes late this time which is actually an improvement. I hate the public he health system, someone will probably die waiting for their appointment. Like I don't have anything better to do than wait around for them all day, well I didn't but that is not the point. Anyway I moaned about my life, he said that happy pills could help, I of course refused, no follow up appointment so I guess he thinks that I am stable enough. More fool him...
I also went to the gym Wednesday and did not work on my legs because they are sore from the first visit but my doctor said to keep at it. I don't know why I am going to the gym, I mean hey I already have a great body say the perves on the dating site so it kind of pointless really. Although Cleo, a magazine here, had a competition for the sexiest single man, I was not nominated, although perhaps they wanted a fair race. No I did not tell the doctor that I suffer from delusions.
Oh one other thing, I got my portable computer attached to my wheelchair finally, yay now I can date himboes that can't spell!

[RantingMadMan]

I am bored so I will rant. I am suppose to give a half hour presentation about my computer eye control access system in July. I have to state the pros and cons of using it. I don't know exactly why I volunteer for these things to be honest! Oh yeah I just like people listening to me haha, they usually don't. No actually most people listen to me unfortunately, it makes it much harder to insult people if they actually take you seriously! I would much rather people take most things that I say with a grain of sult, then I could say whatever the hell I like, actually I do already. Anyway what should I put in the presentation? It's crap and I would rather not be using it at all? Which by the way is very true, I would rather not use assistant technology at all but I have no choice. must....stop....whinning The eye technology is better than what I was using previously, typing and mouse movements are much faster so I can go on about that perhaps with some videos see me using it. More video = less writing = less work. Also I can avoid thinking about stuff to write about by having a question and answer session at the end so I would probably have to just drag out everything for twenty minutes excluding the video, still sounds a lot of work hmmmm. The portable computer system is not working properly at this stage, once it can get it working I can go on about that.

[RantingMadMan]

So I was out last night, drunk, went to iconic and drove my wheelchair down a big step into the dance pit, four guys had to lift my wheelchair back up. Still, the wheelchair didn't tip when it was going down, that was great. I didn't see the step! It all worked out. I will obviously try to avoid doing that in future. Now my question, why the fuck do they make dance floors inaccessible to wheelchairs? This is not uncommon. I can at least name three bars that don't have accessible dance floors! It's discrimination! I can dance! Don't they think I can? Well fuck them! Anyway it was a good night, I did not nearly throw up my internal organs this time which was absolutely great!
Saw my friend Hine on Friday, she couldn't decide what cafe to eat at, we spent about an hour just driving around until she finally decided on one. She's totally crazy, that is why I hang out with her, so I can be a crazy lunatic too, sane people are soooo overrated.

[RantingMadMan]

"what are the challenges of Cerebal Palsy as you grow up ?"

Why do people think that just because I am in a wheelchair I want to answer questions about my disability? I registered on the dating site to actually date not to be a disability encyclopedia! This is fucking me off, almost everyone who contacts me asks about my disability, it's so annoying! It just not a normal line of conversation. I don't want to be defined by it. I mean I have to live with it almost every single second of my life, why in the hell would I want to discuss it with random people online, there's a wide range of things we could talk about. Talking about my disability fucking bores me. Ohhhhhh why the fuck do I bother with the dating site??? The only people who seem to be interested are mentally fucked up or are so ugly and just want a quick fuck which I would be more inclined to do if they were hot. Most others just want friendship or live in another city.

[RantingMadMan]

OK I officially quit looking for dates, probably far too soon but I don't like the person I have turned into: a wet weak whinny little sissy. So fuck dating, it sucks! I went to a gay bar yesterday night, didn't really have a proper conversation with anyone apart from my usual friends who all have partners or are not in my age group. So the gay scene sucks for meeting guys, so does the internet, so fuck it, I'm not going to waste anymore time on it, I would believe that I will meet the love of my life eventually, if I was a delusional hopeless romantic nutjob, since I am not, I realise I could die alone, and that leaves one less person who could try and murder me for their inheritance! Also I am free to fuck as many guys as I want! If only guys would fuck me, I mean guys that are not old or ugly which is all the offers I appear to get. I don't really care about getting fucks, I have porn and LOTS of it! Although one fuck from a hot guy would be nice, just one??? So no more dating rants and thank fuck for that!